Hello Travelers!

It’s that time of the year when New Orleans and other cities along the Gulf Coast partake in the leftover pagan ritual designed to get “it” out of your system before having to sow the fields. Now it just seems to be the day before Ash Wednesday that is an awesome world-class festival.

To New Orleanians Mardi Gras is when forgotten about acquaintances come out of the woodwork and act like best friends or family members just to couch-surf (i.e stay for free) for this great event. It’s when people you’ve never wanted to see naked and people you would pay money to see naked -as evidenced by Joe Francis making a mint on Girls Gone Wild- willingly put their business out out on the street as normally as ordering a drink.

Mardi Gras, if celebrated right, means that you’ll awake on Feb. 6th as though it was all a wonderful and sometimes freighting dream; however, if you don’t party correctly then you could wake up in the Orleans Parish Prison holding center. Either way you’ll have had a great time and, most likely, be slightly hungover.

If this is your first time doing Fat Tuesday then take heed and remember these 7 Mardi Gras tips. If you’ve been through this before then this will be a nice refresher course.

Welcome to Mardi Gras 101: 7 things to remember

• Tip 1. Don’t urinate in public. You’ll see people doing it, and finding a bathroom can be a real pain, but peeing in public is now a lude felony in the Crescent City.
• Tip 2. Unless it is a dire emergency, DO NOT BOTHER THE POLICE! Which means: do not pet their horses; don’t ask them for directions; DO NOT GET INTO A FIGHT and expect them to take your side. The NOPD is under extreme stress this time of year, and they will throw you in jail and not let you out until ASH WEDNESDAY. By the way, did I say that bail is pretty expensive? People think they can talk themselves out of their predicament but that won’t work because, well, you are drunk and your going to jail is cash in hand for NOLA.
• Tip 3. Don’t talk to anyone who wants to discuss “where you got your shoes,” or any other odd riddles or seemingly benign challenges (i.e.bets) such as “I know where you’re from”. These apparently friendly chaps are scam artists and their purpose in life is to get your money. If approached, just ignore them and keep walking into the crowd. This may be particularly challenging for you friendly people who want to talk to the locals about New Orleans, but trust me and just move along.  Answers: “Where you got your shoes”: On your feet; “I know where you came from”: From your mother. I know these questions are silly, but it’s best to not even engage these guys whatsoever.
• Tip 4. See the parades, they are truly impressive and wonderful. Many people stay on Bourbon, or in the Quarter, but parades haven’t gone through these areas since the 60’s, due to the floats’ sizes and the small streets. Most parades can be caught on Canal, St. Charles, or Lee Circle.  For more info www.nola.com/parades lists parade routes and times for all krewes (i.e. clubs of sorts that sponsor the parades).
• Tip 5. Buy a package on Bourbon or other balcony areas. These packages run between $200 and $2000 per person, all with different offerings such as set entertainment, balcony access, buffets with world-class cuisine and most importantly, open bar. It may seem like a lot to spend, but these options can actually be a very economical deal. Just do the math: divide your food and drinks by $200 and then add a premium location and easy access to a toilet, priceless. To find a package that’s right for your budget and your interests call French Quarter Phantom Tours at 504-666-8300.
• Tip 6. Don’t pick up beads off the ground because it’s considered a huge faux pas and will single you out as a tourist. Moreover, the ground is filthy thus making your chances of getting a Staph infection pretty good.
• Tip 7. Show your Tips! That is, treat your bartenders and wait staff well. This season is a big for them and they work themselves to death this time of year. Plus, the bars are terribly crowded, so to set yourself apart from the competition (i.e. others pushing, shoving and yelling for a drink) it is a pretty wise strategy to attract your server with a few bills.  As the old saying goes, “attract more bees with honey than vinegar.”

Where ever you go and whatever you do, I hope you all have a safe and happy Mardi Gras.  I hope I see you here in the Big Easy!

Happy Travels,

Sarah L.

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